Horrible Way to Die #4
November 7, 2006
Being smothered by Rosie O’Donnell’s ass cheeks.
Horrible Way to Die #3
October 1, 2006
Having your friend tell you repeatedly for six months that you seem lonely and that she has “a perfect match for you” over and over until you finally swallow your pride and agree and then she takes out an actual match, strikes it and lights your hair on fire and you burn to death screaming and alone.
Horrible Way to Die #2
September 22, 2006
Choking to death on a cake bought for you by friends to celebrate you defeating cancer.
Horrible Way to Die #1
September 7, 2006
Being given a thousand tiny paper cuts all over your body & put in a dunk booth. Then, having Frank (The person you hate most in the world) throw your newborn baby repeatedly at the target until he hits it, sending you splashing down into the vat of lemon juice, hot sauce & acid below & slowly bleeding to death as you writhe in agony – All the while watching through the glass front of the dunk tank as Frank alternates between continuing to throw your infant child at things & making out with your wife.
